"Do you think that God will not judge and condemn others for doing them and not judge you when you do them, too? Don't you realize how kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Or don't you care? Can't you see how kind he has been in giving you time to turn from your sin?" Romans 2:3-4

I've been reading my favorite author, C.S Lewis, again, and he never ceases to make me question how I act, or rather think, for what are actions that aren't thought, well then they are merely reflexes by definition. This recent discovery is found in his book entitled, "The Problem of Pain". The book addresses the issue revolving around the question, "If God is a good God, then why does he allow all the pain in this world?" Being the genius that he is, he addresses this issue in a full-proof way, first explaining that we created sin and pain is just a correction of that sin. If you haven't read it, of course I recommend it.

He addresses one issue that really got my brain to thinking. Do we really want a more loving God or a less loving God. At first glance it is a no-brainer, of course we want a God that loves us more, then we wouldn't have all of these troubles, but in fact it would be the opposite, for as Lewis so cleverly explains, that we are God's work of art, as has been said since I was a 'wee boy'. He provides this analogy: if an artist were to draw a sketch for a child just for the child's pure amusement he would not take the time to make sure it is exactly how he intended the sketch to be, in other words, he would let the imperfections slide. For this next section I must take from the master himself, "But over the great picture of his life - the work which he loves, though in a different fashion, as intensely as a man loves a woman or a mother a child - he will take endless trouble - and would, doubtless, thereby give endless trouble to the picture if it were sentient. One can imagine a sentient picture, after being rubbed and scraped and recommenced for the tenth time, wishing that it were only a thumbnail sketch whose making was over in a minute. In the same way, it is natural for us to wish that God had designed for us a less glorious and less arduous destiny; but then we are wishing not for more love but for less." Therefore, when the secular world asks, "if God really cared about us, why would he allow all this pain" we can now throw them on a roller coaster, first explaining that we are indeed the one's who fell, then this extremely clear analogy.

I wish sometimes, that I were the designer of my future. That I could have the jobs of the Fates for one day, to weave, to me, what would be a perfect life, but then I look back on all that I have planned before, and realize how twisted a life that really would be. I am not an extravagant person, I do not wish for things to be off the wall or bizarre, I tend to like the classical things, a white picket fence if you will. However, even with a conservative view like that my "dream life" would in fact not be. I now realize - likely with the coming of age - that since life, and particularly, our minds change so much, what was the ideal life for me, but 3 months ago, would have been vastly different than my view of it now. So now, here is my conundrum: are we to plan the future to our avail, or are we to not plan and take everything as it comes? The latter seems the more foolish, for then you are not preparing yourself for what may come your way, ergo that option is tossed in the round file. The former option seems ideal, but only if we keep our plans for the future viscous; almost like a building being founded on rollers in case of an earthquake, for the one built on the rollers will be able to survive, whereas the one without will fall.

Throw the Stone

It is amazing to me how life just seems to send you curve balls. I mean this in any way shape or form. Being that it is late, I seem to notice these tiny intrecacies more clearly, for example why do we, as one humanity, say that life does this or that, when we never seem to denote what that really is. When we say things like "life just seems to send you curve balls" is this merely an attempt at self-pity in which we can shift the blame of the "curve balls" to this abstract thing called life?

Shifting blame. The more people I get to know the rarer genuineness seems to be. Why is it so difficult to find a good friend? Shifting blame, another facet under the main heading of selfishness, looking out for ONLY one's self. My generation is a cancer. We seem to have produced a type of selfish virus, based on what I do not know. It may be television or just the social construct, but does that matter anyway? I guess one could say the only way to cure something is to find the reason why it came about. I mean isn't that what doctors and scientists are doing everyday, looking at the symptoms to find the cause or to find what really causes Alzheimer's. Cancer. My generation is a cancer, and the worst part about it, we don't even know we are sick. We are told that you need to look out for yourself because others will only undermine you. But really, what society are we trying to create by doing this?

My brain seems to be on overload, I am switching topics but all seem to be vital.

What is the goal of this blog? No one reads it. If people did, I think i would get a lot of angry e-mails for throwing these types of "curve balls". So my goal isn't to address the public, for the public don't care if they are eating vomit if society tells them it is what they should do they will do it. My goal? Honestly, I do not know. A type of untangling of thoughts perhaps. To get something down. Something concrete in a way.

I'm desperate for genuineness. I see fake people everyday, see them go through their daily lives cheating others, but more importantly cheating themselves. When will they learn? I guess they never will. How can they? The "good" do nothing in this world. They sit back and judge, and I am one of them! Actually, I am the leader of them. I am the first one to cast the stone of judgment, and the worst part about that... I have no right. I am just as stupid and moronic as the best of them...just in different ways. The good do nothing. They argue that there is nothing we can do, people have fallen too far. How about we help just a few to get back up then? Why don't we cause a change in one person's life? Do it, if not for those whom are hurting, do it for yourself. See the ripple affect of change.

Imagine this:
It is a warm summer day, the sun is hot and you finally have enough time to get away from the world. A slight breeze flows by your face and through your hair cooling the sweat that sticks to your face as a mask suffocating the skin beneath it. Walking along the path you listen to the rocks shift and settle under your feet. The grass is green, full of life being nourished by the hot sun. You get to the place of peace, under a tree you settle in the refuge of its shade. Life seems so simple in these times, and you realize that times like these are what you truly long for. To feel peace within yourself and with the world. You forget all of the troubles back at home, at school, and at work, all the people that frustrate you all of the things that bug you. You forget about all of that and pick up a rock and toss it into the pond in front of you. You watch as the water rises and falls in a melodic kind of way.

The simple analogy is this: our world is terrible, and in order to have this peacefulness we either need to detract from the world completely or change it. Change it by picking up a rock, an idea, and toss it into the placid world, a world that seems to care nothing at all about the individual, but is so focused on it. Cause a change in one person's life and see how the world ripples and changes because of it.

Listen to this because the logic is sound, however, it relies solely on the choice to WANT a change. Change the placid and stagnant pond we call our home.

Respond and ellaborate...

"Just because you love someone doesn't mean you have to be involved with them. Love is not a bandage to cover wounds." ~ Hugh Elliott
I don't know what to say about this statement. I read it once and i think, "oh, spot on." (yes i think those words) Yet then I read it again and thing, "that seems way off, aren't we to love in order to mend the wounds?" But I like the first part. ::wink:: (if you don't get it, it wasn't meant for you, it has its direct purpose for someone)

Someone very dear to me asked me to respond to her latest post, so being the smart/submissive ::wink:: type person that I am, (those of you who know me, know that what i just said is most definitely not me) I began to formulate my thoughts. While mulling over the vast amount of areas I wanted to cover, I realized that this would be much too deep and lengthy for a "comment".

So, you asked me to respond the statement you posed near the beginning of your thoughts: is this a bad, good, or neutral thing. For those of you who don't know what I am talking about, my better half has a thought that keeps surfacing: her purpose in life is to love people. More specifically that while showering people with her love, they may see that she showers them not with her love, but with the love that overflows from God.

The background is set and it's time to act smart... ::cracks knuckles/back/neck:: Alright, well, here we go. I must turn to one of your favorite movies (tori), not one of mine, but the message stuck with me, "the greatest thing is to love and be loved in return". Know it? Moulin Rouge (sp?) Although the movie turns to a quite drastic set of circumstances, the message, or at least, foundation of the plot is sound. "The greatest thing is to love and be loved in return." God goes so far to say that if we don't have it, we are useless, which from the big man upstairs is quite a scary statement. This being in 1 Corinthians uh...13 near the beginning, actually I'm pretty sure it is the whole first paragraph of that chapter. Quick side note, Thrice did an amazing rendition using the philosophy previously stated. So without love, quite frankly, you are not living. It is the thought that provokes you, the passion that moves you, and the commitment that binds you. Without love, the world would become a shade of gray, where no color could break through. Remember, that the word love has its many facets, and upon closer examination is rooted and intertwined through every component of our lives. Love, is our sole purpose in life. As Christians we are commanded to show God's love, that is why we are on this temporary dwelling. (thanks reebs, your post really came into play =] )

Ergo, your feeling that loving is your purpose is most definitely a good thing.....yet a bad thing? (bad isn't the word i want to use, but you said it so for the sake of cohesiveness i must...) It is a good thing that it comes somewhat easy for you. As for your feeling that you are a judgemental person, let me put it this way, if you find someone that is not judgemental, the foundations of my faith will come crashing before you, for I believe along with the fall came these defensive behaviors. And yes this is most definitely a defensive behavior which is carried out aggressively? hmm... Anyway, through our insecurities we try to put people down, this is basic mothering sayings 101: "they make fun of you because they are jealous of you." So don't be discouraged about your judgements. No, we shouldn't make them, but it is something we all struggle with, at least from my perspective, as a coping and defensive mechanism.

Here is where i must caution you. For along with love and forgiveness comes peoples sinful desires of manipulation. It is something we all learn extremely young, and another selfish mechanism we use for our daily lives to get what we want. It isn't a bad thing. Just a bit of advice. There are those who will take advantage of the good hearted soul. It's what I am always telling you, don't compromise who you are, but stand your ground and fight for yourself. Ahh, this is what i wanted to say in this section. Being the amazing individual that you are and the caring person that you are, you need to remember that you need to care for yourself as well. Not saying that you don't, however, you need to be sure that you are not a pushover, and that you can take care of yourself as well as others.

Quick synopsis: I'm not sure if I emphasized the positive aspect enough, but yes of course it is a good thing, just make sure you aren't being manipulated and used. (quick synopsis...a little redundant)

"Love is the thought that provokes you, the passion that moves you, and the commitment that binds you."
~ Erich Hoefke

Perfection.

"For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."

~ Isaiah 9:6 NIV

I don't know what it is about rock gardens that seem so right. Is it because of all the Mr. Miagi stuff from the Karate Kid? I don't think so, there always is something about perfection that seems to stop us in our tracks and make us stand in awe. But why do we do stop, we don't stop for anything in present day America. One of the biggest aspects is the mystery of it all. Nothing is perfect, but even when there is a tiny hint of perfection it is awe inspiring.

We can only admire the beauty of a meadow at sunrise, or the fog moving along the surface of a lake, for trying to replicate such a moment or scene is impossible to do, even with a photograph or painting, the life seems to be missing. It is so, well, perfect. We get consumed in what we think perfection is: being successful, even though we have no clue what that entails or what it means, falling in love, and growing old, but the thing is, perfection as I see it, is none of these things. It may entail all of these objects, especially love, but I see perfection as only one thing, peace.

There was only one man that was perfect, the Prince of Peace. Peace is the common denominator of what we call perfection. In love, it's when you are at complete peace with the other individual, and when you grow old it's when you are at peace with the life you have led. Peace is what we strive for when we strive for perfection.

So let us be at peace with our thoughts first, for everything begins with the mind. If we can be at peace with our thoughts, then everything, including our speech and conversation will be at peace as well. Kahlil Gibran says:
"You talk when you cease to be at peace with your own thoughts; and when you can no longer well in the solitude of your heart you live in your lips, and sound is a diversion and a pastime. And in much of your talking, thinking is half murdered. For thought is a bird of space, that in a cage of words may indeed unfold its wings but cannot fly."

Let us all strive for perfection; let us strive for peace within ourselves.

"I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid."

~John 14:27 NLT

In the End All Will Be Alright

"This is the covenant I will make with the house of Israel after that time, declares the Lord. I will put my laws in their minds and write them on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people. No longer will a man teach his neighbor, or a man his brother, saying, 'Know the Lord,' because they will all know me, from the least of them to the greatest. For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more." Hebrews 8:10-12 or Jeremiah 31.

This is in part a response to the ever so intelligent T. "because they will all know me, from the least of them to the greatest." I believe God will reveal himself in different ways, but as this verse says He will reveal himself. It is hard for any of us to answer the question, "If there is a tribe somewhere in the middle of nowhere and haven't heard the word of God will they be saved?" I don't think it is a question we can answer, however the verse above sheds light upon the answer. God is merciful and just, He only punishes for our faults.

There is so much knowledge out there in the world. It is depressing to think of all the time we waste watching television or simply messing around. If we replaced the time we waste with reading a book, I wonder if we would have so many problems in the world. Television is probably one of the worst things in the world for this exact reason.

"Love means you can never be apart." ~ James Patterson "Sundays at Tiffany's"

Isn't it amazing what people can think of? The intricate stories people can create is just mind boggling. The quotes I inundate my journals with, people thought up; it's just phenomenal.

I was thinking about what we mean when we say "feel". We say things like, "i feel sad" or "i feel for you" or "i have feelings for you" but what does that really mean? Just a quick little excerpt of what I wrote down:

What does the word “feel” imply?
Does “feel” mean just the sensation,
Or is there more?
For what is a feeling that is not dwelled upon?
Well, then it is just a sensation, but…
When the word “feel” is contemplated,
Well, that is where our minds and souls connect,
That is when we know with all certainty,
That in the end,
All will be alright,
That we have a purpose.
That we are a perfect design.


"When the word “feel” is contemplated, well, that is where our minds and souls connect; that is when we know with all certainty, that in the end, all will be alright."
~ Erich Hoefke

"The correction of discipline is the way to life" Proverbs 6:23b

Don't really know what to say about this, because it is pretty self-explanatory.

Well today is a gorgeous rainy day and it is keeping me from doing any schoolwork, which desperately needs to get done. I have a formal lab write up to do, just finished the flow chart for the next lab, still need to create the duplicate notebook for the next lab. I need to do physics homework, and study for both my physics and psychology midterms on Monday and Wed. respectively.

Now that that is out of the way I can talk about something interesting. The topic, however, I don't know. I can talk about the rain and how beautiful it is, but it has been done too many times before. I can talk about some random philosophical quandary, but I don't feel like my brain is working today. I can talk about the most beautiful girl in the world, but I know she doesn't think she is. So what to talk about?

I feel much happier these past few days, and I know it is only because of God. He is helping me see the good in life, and how much better I have it than so many others. I am still committed to reading my Bible in the mornings and praying when I feel I should, which is a lot. I am thankful I have a hope for after this life, for if this life was the only thing I thought I had, I would be completely depressed. This world is stupid, and the only good in it is love. It is the only thing that lasts. Love from God and from others. As morbid as this sounds, I can't wait to die, so I can go to Paradise. That sounds amazing.

Some people think that Jesus is coming back within my lifetime, and honestly, that sounds awesome, but I don't want to miss out on getting married and having kids, but I know that if he does come back, I won't care about those trivial things anymore. Some of my old friends were always afraid of losing relationships with others such as family when they go to Heaven. I never thought that was a big deal, for I know when I get there, everyone will be family. I can't wait to go there. It sounds like ....well...Heaven.

Self-Motivation is not Self Motivated

"Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved." ~ Jeremy Kitson

I feel that my self-motivation, or what people see as it, is not self-motivation at all. I do things not for myself but for others; others that I don't know yet, or don't even exist yet. So what is self-motivation anyway? It is supposedly, if Webster is right, "motivated to do or achieve something because of one's own enthusiasm or interest, without needing pressure from others." Ok, so I guess it is self-motivation, but it is not based upon my own benefit, yes I want to do things for my own benefit, but it is not the driving force.

I do things for the betterment of my future wife and kids. I strive to succeed in school so that I can get into Med school, which will in turn, give my wife and kids a more comfortable way of life. The only way to live is to do your best for yourself and others. It is hard, but as I always say, you gotta do what you gotta do.

I am trying to live day by day, moment to moment, and it seems to be helping. Helping in that it helps me to appreciate people and this time in my life. The most amazing thing about my life is of course my best-friend, my girlfriend. She is amazing and I have completely fallen for her. I was truly struggling with the idea of her leaving me, but again talking with my partner in crime, my missions buddy, only through absence is the relationship tested. I am, every week, testing our relationship and have realized that the depth was far greater than I could have imagined. We are perfect for each other, we are alike in so many ways and then compliment each other in others. She is teaching me kindness, and, come to think of it, i have no clue what I am teaching her. Hopefully she will see the beauty that has overwhelmed me and taken me captive.

So patiently I will wait for her; patiently I will fall for her, waiting to be complete.

The Answer is Balance.

"For the word of God is full of living power. It is sharper than the sharpest knife, cutting deep into our innermost thoughts and desires. It exposes us for what we really are." Hebrews 4:12

I want to start off my blogs with something that hit me when i read the Bible. So the verse that you already read hit me, and hopefully will hit you as well as i give you my thoughts about it.

The interesting thing is that we are so stupid as humans. Yes, stupid. We have been offered power beyond our wildest imaginings. God says, that the word is full of living power, it cuts deep, into our thoughts and desires, which once cut, can never be healed. Why do we not truly believe in this power is beyond me. It has the power to expose others, for the word, which is full of truth, is non-bias and penetrates into the psyche. Wield the power so that others can be saved.

Ok done with that topic for the moment.

"Love is not a fight but it is something worth fighting for." - Building 429
I love music. Music is able to say the things that everyone feels. They do this most of the time not through the lyrics, but through the melodies and movements of a particular piece. Music is a gift from God, and i know it delights Him more than anyone else.

I really don't know what to talk about, but it has always been in the past that I am able to get the deepest and most influential topics when I simply ramble. . . I fear a lot. I fear mostly of the unknown and time taking people from me. I fear that I am not going to be the best man that I can be, that I am somehow not reaching my full potential. "I will move ahead bold and confident." Fireproof Soundtrack

Balance is so key for every aspect in life, especially in regards to time. To make sure you treat your friends well, but also study for your classes. Balance is something I am desperately trying to reach.



"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving." - Albert Einstein

I shall keep moving.

Opening Thoughts...

"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation." - Henry David Thoreau

I have never really tried to understand that quote, but lately i seem to have a greater understanding of what that means. As men, we all search especially for a beauty to fight for, a damsel in distress that we must rescue if you will. However, there is never discussion about what to do when you have found and rescued the beauty. Have you ever noticed that in Disney movies the story ends when the girl is rescued from the evil something or other. I feel like that isn't the hardest part at all.

The hardest part is to continue fighting when you feel all is lost. That only when you feel there is nothing else you can do you still try to do more. This fiend that approaches can be a various amount of things, but most pertinent in my life: time. I have lost most people to time. Most grades to time. Most anything to time. Time is a thief. It robs us of the joys in life, which seem to fly by, but elongates the worst times in life.

How to battle time:
1. This I still have not figured out but am trying my hardest. Savor the moments with those you love. There was a Budwiser billboard that said, "Sip. Savor. Repeat." That is my goal. To sip the moments, savor them, and try to produce more of them.

2. Focus on God. I recently talked to a buddy of mine, whom is going through a similar situation I am in, and the answer to all my questions was simply to focus on God and the time you share with Him, when you do that, the rest of your life seems to fall into place, but not just any place, the right places. I have picked up my Bible every morning this week, and even though it is only Tuesday i see a real difference in my attitude. I am less sad, but more excited about how often I can talk to my favorite person in the world. I have been slower to get angry, which has been really tested tonight. So remember everyone, even though i am sure only T will read this, to focus on God, and God alone. (yes i used T because that is what you usually do T =] )

I could continue talking forever on these things, because through writing and talking i seem to grow the most and quickest. However, in conclusion I will end with a Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. quote which has taken me through some of the toughest times of my life, times of heartache and attack:

"But I know, somehow, that only when it is dark enough, can you see the stars." - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.