Self-Motivation is not Self Motivated

"Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved." ~ Jeremy Kitson

I feel that my self-motivation, or what people see as it, is not self-motivation at all. I do things not for myself but for others; others that I don't know yet, or don't even exist yet. So what is self-motivation anyway? It is supposedly, if Webster is right, "motivated to do or achieve something because of one's own enthusiasm or interest, without needing pressure from others." Ok, so I guess it is self-motivation, but it is not based upon my own benefit, yes I want to do things for my own benefit, but it is not the driving force.

I do things for the betterment of my future wife and kids. I strive to succeed in school so that I can get into Med school, which will in turn, give my wife and kids a more comfortable way of life. The only way to live is to do your best for yourself and others. It is hard, but as I always say, you gotta do what you gotta do.

I am trying to live day by day, moment to moment, and it seems to be helping. Helping in that it helps me to appreciate people and this time in my life. The most amazing thing about my life is of course my best-friend, my girlfriend. She is amazing and I have completely fallen for her. I was truly struggling with the idea of her leaving me, but again talking with my partner in crime, my missions buddy, only through absence is the relationship tested. I am, every week, testing our relationship and have realized that the depth was far greater than I could have imagined. We are perfect for each other, we are alike in so many ways and then compliment each other in others. She is teaching me kindness, and, come to think of it, i have no clue what I am teaching her. Hopefully she will see the beauty that has overwhelmed me and taken me captive.

So patiently I will wait for her; patiently I will fall for her, waiting to be complete.